I’m about to fall asleep when my back pain kicks in (7 bolts in my spine already, waiting for an MRI and for my neurologist to get back to me). My wife has a smart biometric watch, and usually, she doesn’t bring it into the bedroom.
But tonight, the watch’s biometric LED starts flashing on the ceiling. I go into panic mode: “What is that? WHAT IS THAT!?” She acts like it’s no big deal, saying the ceiling fan’s LED strobe light isn’t an issue and I’m just overreacting.
She knows I’m a medically retired Firefighter Paramedic with PTSD, and I’ve built our house into a fortress. After a mild political desk job at the end of my career, I’ve been held hostage twice (and was the negotiator both times before law enforcement broke in). I had to change my social media name because of stalkers.
I might be overreacting, but I don’t want unexplained flashing lights in my bedroom. We’re having major construction done on our garage, and I’m worried that one of the “helpers” or “rookie builders” with a criminal past might come back at night to steal from the shed or unfinished structure. After security cameras went down last week, I added a PoE network cable and a temporary camera to keep an eye on things.
I wasn’t in full fight/flight mode, no noises, and I’ve replaced every window with 1/4-inch thick laminated security glass. But that strobe light was an abnormal thing I don’t want to deal with again.
Am I overreacting? Should I check my carbon monoxide detectors?
StatisticSleuthSara said:
I hope you can get the help you need so you’re not always so paranoid.
After 9/11 (4 dislocated ribs, tension pneumothorax, lost part of my left lung), countless suicides, homicides, overdoses, amputations, human trafficking, stalkers, being a hostage multiple times, and a broken spine on duty, therapy can’t undo the past. I did therapy after some of those things, but I have to accept who I am now. I try to live in a way where I avoid that stuff, but sometimes things like this strobe light throw me off.
On Veterans Day, I wish people would understand we live with the stuff they just hear about in the news. They don’t have to live it. I did my time, and the 7 bolts in my spine, plus the lung and ribs, are reminders of the past. I don’t need anyone saying, “hope you get therapy.” Chronic pain is constant and reminds me of everything.
Why is she acting like that? Is this something she does often? If it’s normal for her, maybe it’s just irritating but not a big deal. If it’s not normal, ask her why she didn’t care. You should check your alarms though; it doesn’t hurt. It seems like you’ve done a good job keeping everything secure, so maybe it’s time to get some rest.
@Bailey
It usually happens when she’s already asleep, and my sleep cycle is messed up because of my injuries. I don’t make a big deal out of it because her innocence and ignorance help me more than anything. I’d rather she stay away from my issues so she doesn’t get upset. She tolerates me being grumpy, and I tolerate her sweet, ignorant nature (until she nearly gave a ride to a ‘sad looking homeless’ guy once ). Then I had to explain the dangerous side of society.
Right now, I can’t sleep properly. I’m sleep-deprived, walking’s hard some days, and I have other nerve issues. I have an MRI soon, and my neurologist will decide what’s worth the risk of surgery. I already have 7 bolts holding me together. The insurance company wants me on meds because it’s cheaper, but I don’t want to be medicated.
I still remember the doctor telling me, “We can’t fix nerves yet.” Great, I’ll just live in pain at home if anyone needs me!
@Patrick
Sounds like she’s had a pretty sheltered life. Good thing she has you!
Sleep and pain really wear you down, huh? It sounds like you try to avoid meds to keep your mind sharp, but with the lack of sleep… Do you find any way to balance it out?
Always keep your smoke and carbon monoxide detectors in good working order. And no, you’re not wrong. You might want to explain to your wife that, as someone with mental trauma, you might not react like a normal person would. It’s like telling someone in a wheelchair to just walk it off. Even if something isn’t one of your triggers, unexpected things like flashing lights in your safe space can cause a strong reaction. Like someone with a permanent disability needs physical therapy, you might need therapy your whole life to help with the effects of trauma, even if it doesn’t ‘fix’ you.
If you’re worried about theft while construction is going on, maybe put your valuable items in storage for a while. It’ll be worth it for the peace of mind.
). Then I had to explain the dangerous side of society.
Great, I’ll just live in pain at home if anyone needs me! 